Idiot In Venezuela Mutilates Himself In Order To Look Like Marvel Comics Villain

Created by writers Joe Simon and France Herron, together with artist Jack ‘King’ Kirby, Marvel Comics’ ‘Red Skull’ character first appeared as an antagonist for Captain America in 1941.

An unreconstructed Nazi supervillain, Red Skull’s plans post-1945 typically centred around world domination, the clever application of his ‘Cosmic Cube’ weapon and a membership in the evil organization ‘Hydra’.

As a result, he has been a popular antagonist in Marvel comic books for several decades and was even selected to be the main enemy of Captain America for the 2011 movie ‘Captain America: The First Avenger’.

One of the most unrepentantly evil Marvel Comics villains, Red Skull isn’t a tortured political idealist like Magneto, or the product of a lousy upbringing like Doctor Octopus. He’s just a Nazi douchebag, plain and simple.

…And now, Henry Damon, a husband and father from Venezuela, has mutilated himself in order to look like him.


Well, he apparently has an appointment booked to have his entire head tattooed red.

Plus, he’s already had his eyeballs tattooed entirely black (which, I have to say I didn’t know was possible) and he has even had sub dermal implants placed under his skin so that his brow and forehead appear ridged and more ‘skull like’.

Next up, he’ll have silicon implants placed under his chin and his cheeks, which will give him the broad, skull-like grimace of the comic book character.

…But by far the most wince-inducing aspect of Mr. Damon’s transformation is that he has recently had most of his nose cut off.

The surgery was performed by Emilio Gonzales (you’ll not the absence of the word ‘doctor’ anywhere in that title), a medical school dropout who earns a living from extreme body modification. In response to critics, Gonzales has said that Damon is “physically and intellectually” a healthy person.

No joke. He really did say that.

OK, so this guy wants to be a Nazi supervillain. In fact, he wants to be a Nazi supervillain so badly that he’s willing to endure no small amount of pain (and spend what is probably a small fortune) on mutilating himself unrecognizably in order to achieve his goal of becoming a Nazi Supervillain from a comic book.

…Yeah, because that’s healthy.

Instead of being offered the psychiatric treatment he obviously needs, Damon apparently passed a number of ‘psychological tests’, but honestly, I can’t imagine any credible, certified psychiatric professional agreeing with that diagnosis, can you? More likely it was the ‘surgeon’, asking him to fill out a few forms in order to cover his ass in case of a lawsuit.

Whatever the reason behind this insanity, there are a great many jokes to be made about this particular idiot. Firstly, if he has no nose, how does he smell? Secondly, he’s cut off his nose to spite his face…And so on.

Joking aside, the really stupid thing is that once this idiot is done mutilating himself, he won’t even own the rights to his own face anymore.

Also, I sincerely hope that he never catches a cold…But that’s more out of concern for the rest of the community than it is for Mr. Damon.


New York Nutter Files Stupidly Large Lawsuit Over Dog Bite, Chinese People And Overpriced Coffee

Anton Purisima, a New Yorker known for filing abnormally large lawsuits over trivial things (even by American standards) and generally for being nuttier than squirrel sh!t, has achieved what is probably his lifetime ambition of filing the world’s largest lawsuit.

Apparently, before he was overcharged for a cup of coffee (oh, the horror!), Purisima was photographed without his permission by Chinese tourists and then got bitten by a dog (nice one, Fido!). For these (ahem) injustices, he is asking for the grand sum of (wait for it) $2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000 in damages.

Two undecillion Dollars (a two with 36 zeroes after it) is more money than presently exists on the entire planet, of course.

Frankly, we hadn’t seen this many zeroes since the last Conservative party conference…

According to the loony litigator, the dog was rabid (we can only hope) and it bit his middle finger. The funniest thing about this case, then, is that every time Mr. Purisima is asked to present his evidence, he will likely be found in contempt of court.

Defendants named in the suit include the Au Bon Pan store (whose La Guardia airport outlet apparently sells overly expensive coffee), The New York Transit Authority and Hoboken University Medical Center (who may, or may not, have botched some sort of experimental brain surgery upon Purisima. Admittedly, that’s guesswork on my part, but it would certainly answer a lot of questions…)

I mean, who goes to an airport for cheap coffee!? If American airports are anything like their British counterparts, you’d have to take out a second mortgage on your home just to afford a ham and cheese sandwich…

Apparently, his pain and additional damages “cannot be repaired by money”, which seems especially odd considering he is asking for so much of it, really. That’s a bit like saying that hunger can’t be cured by food, whilst queuing up in a McDonalds…

Purisima’s previous activities include attempting to sue The People’s Republic of China (no, really), as well as several major American banking chains.

Purisima filed his (hand written) lawsuit to a federal court in April and is (somewhat unsurprisingly) representing himself. Reports do not say if he was wearing a tutu and honey-glazing his own nipples at the time, but it seems likely.


Mind-controlled TV developed by BBC in amazing iPlayer experiment

The BBC has unveiled a new piece of tech that sci-fi icon Doctor Who himself would be impressed by.

The corporation has started developing a low-cost brainwave-reading headset that will allow users to open a new version of iPlayer and control it using their mind.

The BBC has been working with This Place on an early prototype called ‘Mind Control TV’, which can read the user’s brainwaves and send signals to an experimental version of iPlayer to select a TV programme to view.

At this stage it’s an internal prototype that is being used by the BBC’s programme-makers, technologists and other users to give them an idea of how it can be employed in the future.

The main advantage of this technology would be to improve accessibility for those with disabilities, while future applications could include a more convenient user interface.

BBC Mind Control TV prototype.


The ‘Mind Control TV’ is in the very early stages of experimentation and the technology doesn’t yet work with the existing iPlayer application.

However, does it actually work with a special version of the software? Cyrus Saihan, Head of Business Development, BBC Digital says: “In a word, yes.

“Our first trial run saw 10 BBC staff members try out the app, and all were able to launch BBC iPlayer and start viewing a programme simply by using their minds.

“It was much easier for some than it was for others, but they all managed to get it to work. And it’s been a similar story for everyone who’s tried it out in our BBC technology Blue Room since.”

BBC Mind Control TV prototype.


Users will have to ‘concentrate’ to launch iPlayer

Explaining why the BBC and This Place decided to focus on mind control, Saihan said: “A subject popular in works of fiction is the ability to control things just by using your mind.

“The idea of being able to simply think about something and then magically make it happen has fascinated people for many years.

“Whether it’s using ‘the Force’ in Star Wars, spoon bending on stage or The Matrix, controlling objects simply with your brain has a unique appeal and could open up a whole world of possibilities.”

BBC Mind Control TV prototype.


Once launched, the iPlayer will display the Top 5 most popular shows

He continued: “So when we learnt that new technologies were now available in the market that allowed you to control electronic devices by measuring the brain’s electrical activity, we wanted to experiment with the technology to see what types of audience experiences this might result in.

“There were two areas that immediately stood out for us: improving accessibility and the potential of a new user interface.”

The BBC has stressed that the new technology is in its infancy, but brainwave-reading devices are rapidly improving despite their basic capabilities at this stage. To find out more about the project, visit the BBC’s Internet Blog.

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